Ted Talk Final, Spring 2024
WHY I THINK WOMEN NEED TO GET ANGRIER
(Before I
begin, I want to make it clear: I can only speak from my limited personal
experience, and there are many intricacies of intersectionality in feminism. As
such, in my research for this, I did my best to find as many Talks as I could from
as many different kinds of women as possible. I watched trans women, queer
women, Black women, Asian women, old women, young women, women from all continents, and the more I watched, the more I realized that they came down to very
similar conclusions. However, my perspective is still limited to me, a 36-year-old, white-passing, cisgender woman. There
are so many extra layers of complexity and difficulty that are added to feminism if you
happen to be LGBTQ+ or BIPOC, so for the sake of this talk, I will be keeping it at
gender. Also, noticing the fact that these highly educated women say things way
more eloquently than I ever can, so I will be quoting them a lot.)
Hello, my
name is Anastasia Pena, and here’s my Ted Talk on why I feel women need to get
angrier.
My
inspiration for this Talk was the treatment of Serena Williams during her 2018
US Open match where she raised her voice at a ref for a bad call.
Some of the top-rated
comments under a YouTube video said things like “instantly the gender card’ or called
her a ‘brat’, ‘hypocrite’, ‘emotional’, a ‘spoiled child’, ‘a disgrace to the
game’. One good one was, “She never cheated, apart from 20 years of doping and
hiding from drug testers.” Come to find out, over her 23-year career, Serena
Williams is one of the most drug-tested athletes in the history of the sport,
male or female. I decided then that not reading the comments was self-care.
When I was
growing up, John McEnroe was one of the most talked-about tennis players of the
time and quickly made explosive outbursts his ‘brand’. After all, why wouldn’t
he? Ratings went up by 74% whenever he played. His YouTube comments had a whole
different vibe than Serena’s and they always read as a reasonable response to an
obviously bad call, as being passionate for this sport he has trained so long
and hard for. McEnroe went on to make a career out of a reputation for tantrums,
often poking fun as his own volatile behavior.
This should
make ALL of you enraged, not just the women here.
Anger is
natural, and a universal part of the human experience. It warns us of
indignity, threat, insult, and harm. “Severing anger is severing the emotion
that best protects us from injustice,” says Soraya Chemaly, who wrote the book Anger
Becomes Her. “The life cycle of a woman starts with spoiled princess, to
hormonal teen, to high maintenance, to shrill nags. Therefore, indignity
becomes imminent in our notions of femininity.”
I found a
study that said women report feeling anger more frequently, more intensely, and
for longer periods of time than men do. It’s not that we’re not angry already.
We don’t need another march; we’ve already figured out we’re not alone. I think
we just need to get angrier.
Why should
we get angrier? Because a thousand times a day, we must deal with the choice to
either be labeled a ‘feminazi’ or be complicit in our own dehumanization. Women
are taught to pick from a certain array of socially palatable expressions of
emotion. No matter how justified a woman’s anger is, it is unfounded, rude, and
most of all, unlikeable.
At best, we
are told we is getting a ‘little out of hand’, at worst, we face abuse,
isolation, abandonment, blacklisting, even death. I’m especially angry that for
many women worldwide, silence is still a requirement for their survival.
I used to
tell guys when I entered a new relationship: “You don’t need to be worried when
I’m angry. Being angry means that I still care. It’s when I am silent, you know
you have a big problem.”
Paula Stone
Williams, a transgender activist who once lived as a finance bro (her words),
says this: “I have the unique experience having lived life from both sides and
I’m here to tell you the differences are massive… Apparently, as a female I
have become stupid… It’s either that or I’m as smart as I ever was it’s just
now I’m constantly being subjected to mansplaining… The more you're treated as
if you don't know what you're talking about, the more you begin to question whether
you do, in fact, know what you're talking about.”
Before we go
on, let’s get one more thing straight. I do not hate men, I hate bad men. So,
guys, don’t put that shoe on if it doesn’t fit. It’s not that men are
fundamentally more or less moral, it’s that there are almost universal--
sometimes purposeful-- blind spots, and a society that systematically upholds
them. What I hate is oppression, the frustration of knowing that men are
capable of more.
Audre Lorde
says: “There is great information to gain from our anger. To be angry is to
hope for something better.”
You must
remember that women’s treatment not only ignites a current fire, but it
lights up a whole range of historical fury. This is a vehemence that has been
building for a millennia. “My anger is mine. But it is also my mother’s, it was
my grandmother’s, it is the women before me related or not, it is all women of
all time. If you don’t know why we’re mad, you certainly have not been
listening.” (Chimamanda Ngozi)
Why am I
angry? Because I watched a few women-led Ted Talks and now all I’m getting are
bra ads? It’s deeper than that, even if capitalism is the root of it all.
I’m angry
that growing up in my patriarchal, Christian led home fed me on a steady diet of
‘You’re being dramatic’, ‘sensitive’, ‘overreacting’, or my personal favorite
‘it’s just a joke’ and that no man would like me unless I was a ‘chill girl’.
I’m angry
that I have to worry about what I wear, or what my getup says about me, or if
it will allow passage into the fabled land of being taken seriously.
I’m angry
that our society makes women feel as though by being born a female they
are already guilty of something. That it feels like all we teach girls is to
feel ashamed of themselves. “Cover yourself up”, “close your legs” or “she
was asking for it.”
I’m angry
that Weinstein’s case was overturned, even after sparking all the #MeToo
outrage, I’m still fuming about Brock Turner, like, what the fuck?! More
specifically, I’m angry that less than 1% of rapes lead to felony convictions.
That men don’t treat ‘no’ as a full sentence. That they are constantly receiving
the message that this kind of behavior is okay.
I’m really
angry at the so-called nice guys, you know, the ones that think if they put in
the nice tokens that sex is just supposed to fall out. That blue balls as a
concept exists, that the friendzone is even a thing to be named, that I’m not
allowed to be upset at the fact that my guy friend just spent the better part
of a decade just pretending to be my real friend.
I’m angry at
“men that are under the illusion that saying the mystic words “I am a feminist”
casts a magical force field around them through which no claims of sexism may
pass.” (Stone Williams again)
Women make
up for slightly more than half of the population on this planet, and direct 83%
of buying power and influence in the economy. They make up 2/3rds of
post-secondary education and graduating from higher education at twice the rate
men do.
In the
corporate sector, women at the top, C-level jobs, board seats -- tops
out at 16%. The numbers have not moved since 2002 and are going in
the wrong direction. In group settings like meetings, men are more likely to
speak up, and interrupt 2.6 times more than women. Studies have shown that a
woman who speaks more than 30% of the time as “dominating the conversation”.
I’m angry
that just by having a male-sounding name, you have a much higher likelihood of
getting a job, getting an academic mentor, getting a good review, or getting an
award in your field.
I’m angry
that administrative work is still the #1 job for women, the same as in 1950.
God help you if you’re a woman in STEM.
That as we
get older we are spinsters or cat ladies while men become silver foxes. That
even if I do everything right in the marriage there is still a 38% chance they
will leave me for a younger woman. Don’t get it twisted, we are still initiate
70% of divorces, 90% if college educated.
I’m angry
that in a 21st century classroom, woman account for 1 in every 10 names
referenced in the entire K-12 Social Studies curriculum. We are repeatedly
written out of history.
That we STILL
get, on average, 77 cents for every dollar a man makes, and yet we still have
to suffer a pink tax for necessary products.
I’m angry
that artificial hearts fit 80% of men but only 20% of women, and that is just
one example of healthcare catering to men while treating women as if they are
smaller men. Did you know they didn’t map the clitoris until 2005? I guess men just
couldn’t find it?
I hate we
are not even trusted with our own bodies. Dozens of women complained of
torturous pain as their vaginal walls were punctured during an egg retrieval
process. They were getting saline instead of anesthesia. Got chest pain? You’ll
wait 27% longer for treatment. These statistics only rise with
intersectionality.
I’m angry
that we still have urinals in our so-called unisex bathrooms. I hate that we
still have equal-seized bathrooms designed to suit the needs of the single man,
usually straight, who is not breastfeeding, not pregnant, doesn’t have his
period, and doesn’t have a pelvic floor issue and isn’t expected to change a
baby so why the hell does he need all his space when Lord KNOWS he DOESN’T-EVEN-WASH-HIS-HANDS?
I’m angry
that because I’m female I’m expected to aspire to marriage, and that once I’m
married, I get asked, when are you having kids? And then when we have a baby
its “when are you having another one?” Then proceed to forget about us after we
have one.
I’m angry
that I get told to go make me a sandwich like I was born with a cooking gene,
when in fact, men also eat and have two hands, for God’s sake.
I’m sick and
tired that Serena William’s legacy is always accompanied by an asterisk. This
is one of the most decorated athletes in history.
I’m angry
that in 190 heads of state -- 9 are women and hold just 27 of government seats
nationwide. Globally, women make up only 13% of parliament. I’m sick of OLD,
WHITE men telling me what I can and can’t do with my own body.
This is the
paradox of feminism, because our society rewards the women that play by the
patriarchy’s outdated rules, and has a litany of punishments for those that don’t.
Until we get angrier, there will be no change. Men, you need to give us the
benefit of the doubt that we know what the fuck we’re talking about. I hope
women dare to get angrier and feel the right to take up space, because the
other half of the population have a monumental right to be heard, and until then,
we living in an unjust world. Trust me, we tried saying it nicely, and we got
left on ‘read’. Now, ladies, it’s time to scream it.
Thank you.
WORKS CITED:
https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/6/27/15879520/john-mcenroe-serena-williams-greatest-controversy
https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html
https://www.vox.com/2018/9/10/17837598/serena-williams-us-open-umpire-carlos-ramos
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/13/feminists-do-not-hate-men
